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[bearshermark]

eleven

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[bearshermark]

[His hands come up to loop around her elbows. He looks up to her with a fond smile and a twinkle of mischief in his eyes]

How terrible that would be.

[lancifolium]

Well. [ Starting and stopping almost immediately she did her best to solider through trying to put words to thinks she had been mulling over since his rescue.. ]

If you thought you might want to– [ Nope that wasn't it. ] That is to say– [ She didn't even know where she hoped to end with an effort like that one, and it died weakly on the air. ]

We're always in so much danger, and all I could think about was getting you back safely - and what would happen if I couldn't. [ Lily found a viable thread and pulled, hoping against all odds that she wasn't on the verge of making a fool of herself. ]

You mean a lot to me. You're my friend, and you're so much more than that too. [ This could have been going better, she wasn't exactly getting to the point, but at least she was in the same neighborhood. It was a start. ]

[bearshermark]

[Eleven tipped his head, expression sobering as her words washed over him past her initial hesitation. His eyes softened as his heart ached, leaning into her to press his head to her abdomen as his arms shifted to wrap loosely around her]

I'm sorry to have worried you, but I'm glad to hear you hold me in such high regard. I'm grateful to have you here with me still.

[lancifolium]

Oh! No, that's. [ She combed her hands through his hair and looked down at him, shaking her head. ]

What I meant is that this made me think about how special what we've got is, and how I don't want to take it for granted. [ Even though she still couldn't quite get there, she blushed anyway. ] I want to make the time we have count.

[bearshermark]

[He glanced up, brows knitting together]

Oh, ah.. I hope you don't think I haven't been interested. There's just been a great deal of stress lately that it didn't seem.. I don't know. But having you close was enough for me.

[lancifolium]

[ It was difficult to tell who misunderstood the other more, but at his words she went red. ]

I'm sorry I didn't mean to pressure you! We don't have to right now. Just, if you want to, because I'd like to. But only if you want!

[bearshermark]

[Eleven grinned relief with a short laugh. Here he'd been worried she'd thought he was purposefully neglecting her]

That sounds nice. I'm interested if you don't mind I'm still a little bruised in a few places.

[lancifolium]

Nice?

[ Lily deflated some, unsure of what his reaction was going to be, but not expecting 'nice' as a possible response. ]

I mean, I suppose it could be, but, you're rather casual about it, aren't you?

[bearshermark]

[He tipped his head up again, puzzled. They've been pretty casual about it, haven't they? Inexplicably, he feels like he's missing something]

We've been doing this for awhile, haven't we? I mean, other than lately..

[lancifolium]

[ Upon realizing where the wires had gotten crossed in this unfurling disaster of a conversation her eyes went wide as part of her considered just going along with it to spare herself having to try and broach the subject again after being sure he had caught her meaning.

Somehow it felt even more harrowing on the second attempt. ]

Not this. [ Merlin's tits just kill her now. ] The uh, the thing that isn't um, part of, the usual this.

[ Still! Nice? She frowned at him, aware of what she had finally (mostly) addressed but backtracking anyway. ] I always thought it was better than nice, anyway.

[bearshermark]

[Eleven took in her frown and drew back to look at her properly. He'd misstepped, and still he wasn't sure what she meant. He swallowed, newly nervous]

I'm sorry. You've been nothing short of wonderful to me. I don't think I'm quite understanding..

[lancifolium]

[ Briefly weighing the pros and cons of apparating back to the Stairs of Sighs to head in a new direction and begin a new life where she could pretend this conversation wasn't happening Lily moved to sit beside him on the bed. ]

Can I try again? Forget all that and start fresh?

[bearshermark]

Okay.

[Still fighting off nerves, Eleven dropped his arms and instead hauled his leg up to hold it across his knee as he looked to her. Giving her his full concentration and focused on understanding whatever it is she was trying to say. Surely he could do that much]

[lancifolium]

[ Doing much the same, Lily shifted on the bed so that she faced him, nodding as she tried to summon the nerve to give this another attempt. ]

It's come to my attention– [ Absolutely, no question the best way to start. ] That I care for you a great deal, and I hope you feel the same, I wonder if I'm not just terribly mad for you and you're just fond of me but er, I guess that's what people worry about when they care for someone like I care for you.

[ She knew she was babbling, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. ]

And I suppose that if that is the case - well it's rather a good thing to know so I don't make an arse of myself, but I just thought that if we did both feel the same about each other then maybe we could. Um.

[ She was so close, she could feel herself right on the edge of just coming out with it. ]

But if it's all been just a bit of nice fun for you – [ Shut up Lily. ]

And it's very good to know if so but I don't think we ought to have a go.

[ A go? All that to make it sound like a round of darts? Rigarda could send her as a hostage for the undead, at this point, it would be an improvement on her current situation. ]

[bearshermark]

[It feels so formal the way she starts out that his nerves promptly double and he loses some of the strength in his hands. Well enough they're just sitting there as his heart is laid out between them, measured and questioned.

Some color drains from his face while the tiny pinprick in his heart he'd only just uncovered earlier in the day bleeds out again.

Maybe they could.. or not? His eyes flick to hers, suspecting the meaning behind her uncertainty. His heart raced faster with it. Would that it wasn't so terribly stupid]

I do love you; I know that. [He swallowed, rattled with nerves] But the reason you're asking..

[lancifolium]

You love me?

[ She couldn't help the stunned smile that came to her face hearing that, momentarily and rather happily distracted. ]

I asked because I want to. I don't want to go home and miss you forever and wonder.

[bearshermark]

[In contrast, Eleven's eyes promptly watered. It shouldn't hurt; it should be wonderful, but his mouth trembled as he nodded and took in a deep breath. He felt like a mess and cleared his throat, raising a hand to rub roughly into his eye]

Sorry. It's just terrible to imagine that..

[lancifolium]

[ Reaching for him as he wiped at his eyes she moved closer to him. ]

Don't. I'm not sorry.

[ She took one of his hands into both of hers. ]

You're worth pining after, I already knew that.

[bearshermark]

[His eyes lowered to his hand in hers then breathed, shoulders laxing. Having lost Archeval to an uncertain fate, he's worried he won't be able to keep hold of her, either- almost didn't, some weeks ago if not for a miracle.

Eleven traced his thumb over the ridge of her knuckles, knowing he won't be able to ask if he meets her eyes]

So you're saying you want... everything?

[lancifolium]

[ Feeling her face warm at the question, Lily kept her eyes on his thumb as well, somehow more nervous now that he'd finally caught on with what she had been failing to communicate. ]

I do. With you.

[bearshermark]

[Eleven inhales an unsteady breath, remembering well their first conversation about this- how similarly fraught with nerves it had been as she drew the line he'd readily accepted. There had been so much else to do and discover after all, and he was grateful for every experience and the confidence he'd gained with them.

He's humbled by the offer now, less excited than perhaps he should be in the wake of complex emotions. He breathed, then chanced a glance up and nodded with a faint smile]

I want to, but you don't deserve anything less than my full attention and I'm not terribly focused now. The morning- or, er, evening perhaps. You're going back to Taravast for the afternoon, I think?

[Nerves again, but at least they're more pleasant ones now, manifesting as second-guessed propositions] ..We could have dinner first. If you want.

[lancifolium]

[ Nodding gently at what he said, she was quietly relieved at his honestly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. ]

We don't have to at a certain time or, I mean, if it happens we know that we want it to, right? We can just be together, and you can rest and if we do, we do. I just want to stay close to you.

[ She raised an eyebrow at him, somehow managing to look both impish and bashful at the same time. ]

What was that bit about loving me now?

[bearshermark]

[He colored faintly, nodding. His fingers curled gently over hers]

I love pretty easily, I think. I love all my friends, though I think most of them wouldn't be comfortable hearing it. I thought I might love Xie Lian for a time, but.. I was only drawn to how beautiful he is.

[Eleven's face heated and he mashed his free hand into it. He probably shouldn't have said that]

What I mean is, with you, it isn't just that you're pretty or that I'm terribly fond of you. You're.. very important to me.

[lancifolium]

I understand, I think. I love my friends too.

[ The bit about Xie Lian she hadn't expected to hear, but, it wasn't as though it was something that happened behind her back either. ]

Before I came here I was seeing someone at school, and I liked James, we were going to see each other over the summer even. But, you're something else entirely. I don't think I've cared about someone like I do you.

[bearshermark]

[Eleven did his best not to feel jealous. Naturally, he failed- at least when it came to the fact that Lily would return there someday, and this James would be able to see her when he couldn't. It didn't bear thinking about.

He hoped Lily wouldn't feel compelled to glare at Xie Lian, at least. Since coming to know the man- God- he's gradually fallen out of his charm. Not that he isn't still beautiful, though he was far less entranced by it now.

But his heart ached with the sweet depth of Lily's affection. Eleven lifted their hands and brushed a kiss over her curled fingers. Smiling, he met her eyes] I promise we'll make the most of it.