[ Upon realizing where the wires had gotten crossed in this unfurling disaster of a conversation her eyes went wide as part of her considered just going along with it to spare herself having to try and broach the subject again after being sure he had caught her meaning.
Somehow it felt even more harrowing on the second attempt. ]
Not this. [ Merlin's tits just kill her now. ] The uh, the thing that isn't um, part of, the usual this.
[ Still! Nice? She frowned at him, aware of what she had finally (mostly) addressed but backtracking anyway. ] I always thought it was better than nice, anyway.
[Eleven took in her frown and drew back to look at her properly. He'd misstepped, and still he wasn't sure what she meant. He swallowed, newly nervous]
I'm sorry. You've been nothing short of wonderful to me. I don't think I'm quite understanding..
[ Briefly weighing the pros and cons of apparating back to the Stairs of Sighs to head in a new direction and begin a new life where she could pretend this conversation wasn't happening Lily moved to sit beside him on the bed. ]
[Still fighting off nerves, Eleven dropped his arms and instead hauled his leg up to hold it across his knee as he looked to her. Giving her his full concentration and focused on understanding whatever it is she was trying to say. Surely he could do that much]
[ Doing much the same, Lily shifted on the bed so that she faced him, nodding as she tried to summon the nerve to give this another attempt. ]
It's come to my attention– [ Absolutely, no question the best way to start. ] That I care for you a great deal, and I hope you feel the same, I wonder if I'm not just terribly mad for you and you're just fond of me but er, I guess that's what people worry about when they care for someone like I care for you.
[ She knew she was babbling, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. ]
And I suppose that if that is the case - well it's rather a good thing to know so I don't make an arse of myself, but I just thought that if we did both feel the same about each other then maybe we could. Um.
[ She was so close, she could feel herself right on the edge of just coming out with it. ]
But if it's all been just a bit of nice fun for you – [ Shut up Lily. ]
And it's very good to know if so but I don't think we ought to have a go.
[ A go? All that to make it sound like a round of darts? Rigarda could send her as a hostage for the undead, at this point, it would be an improvement on her current situation. ]
[It feels so formal the way she starts out that his nerves promptly double and he loses some of the strength in his hands. Well enough they're just sitting there as his heart is laid out between them, measured and questioned.
Some color drains from his face while the tiny pinprick in his heart he'd only just uncovered earlier in the day bleeds out again.
Maybe they could.. or not? His eyes flick to hers, suspecting the meaning behind her uncertainty. His heart raced faster with it. Would that it wasn't so terribly stupid]
I do love you; I know that. [He swallowed, rattled with nerves] But the reason you're asking..
[In contrast, Eleven's eyes promptly watered. It shouldn't hurt; it should be wonderful, but his mouth trembled as he nodded and took in a deep breath. He felt like a mess and cleared his throat, raising a hand to rub roughly into his eye]
[His eyes lowered to his hand in hers then breathed, shoulders laxing. Having lost Archeval to an uncertain fate, he's worried he won't be able to keep hold of her, either- almost didn't, some weeks ago if not for a miracle.
Eleven traced his thumb over the ridge of her knuckles, knowing he won't be able to ask if he meets her eyes]
[ Feeling her face warm at the question, Lily kept her eyes on his thumb as well, somehow more nervous now that he'd finally caught on with what she had been failing to communicate. ]
[Eleven inhales an unsteady breath, remembering well their first conversation about this- how similarly fraught with nerves it had been as she drew the line he'd readily accepted. There had been so much else to do and discover after all, and he was grateful for every experience and the confidence he'd gained with them.
He's humbled by the offer now, less excited than perhaps he should be in the wake of complex emotions. He breathed, then chanced a glance up and nodded with a faint smile]
I want to, but you don't deserve anything less than my full attention and I'm not terribly focused now. The morning- or, er, evening perhaps. You're going back to Taravast for the afternoon, I think?
[Nerves again, but at least they're more pleasant ones now, manifesting as second-guessed propositions] ..We could have dinner first. If you want.
[ Nodding gently at what he said, she was quietly relieved at his honestly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. ]
We don't have to at a certain time or, I mean, if it happens we know that we want it to, right? We can just be together, and you can rest and if we do, we do. I just want to stay close to you.
[ She raised an eyebrow at him, somehow managing to look both impish and bashful at the same time. ]
[He colored faintly, nodding. His fingers curled gently over hers]
I love pretty easily, I think. I love all my friends, though I think most of them wouldn't be comfortable hearing it. I thought I might love Xie Lian for a time, but.. I was only drawn to how beautiful he is.
[Eleven's face heated and he mashed his free hand into it. He probably shouldn't have said that]
What I mean is, with you, it isn't just that you're pretty or that I'm terribly fond of you. You're.. very important to me.
[ The bit about Xie Lian she hadn't expected to hear, but, it wasn't as though it was something that happened behind her back either. ]
Before I came here I was seeing someone at school, and I liked James, we were going to see each other over the summer even. But, you're something else entirely. I don't think I've cared about someone like I do you.
[Eleven did his best not to feel jealous. Naturally, he failed- at least when it came to the fact that Lily would return there someday, and this James would be able to see her when he couldn't. It didn't bear thinking about.
He hoped Lily wouldn't feel compelled to glare at Xie Lian, at least. Since coming to know the man- God- he's gradually fallen out of his charm. Not that he isn't still beautiful, though he was far less entranced by it now.
But his heart ached with the sweet depth of Lily's affection. Eleven lifted their hands and brushed a kiss over her curled fingers. Smiling, he met her eyes] I promise we'll make the most of it.
[ Reaching out to touch his cheek as he kissed her hand, Lily decided not to worry too much about Eleven noticing Xie Lian like that It sounded as though it had been a while ago and she didn't think she could hold something like that against either of them.
Scooting closer to him after he met her eye Lily tugged her hand free so that she could wrap her arms around him. ]
I'll try not to. I think that might mean I won't be able to return to the city for awhile. Or.. well, I should be able to afford a room in Taravast for a time. The palace is likely too much of a risk. Though it might be more prudent to stay here until..
[Until either they leave or worse, if they succeed and the beacon is activated. He frowns, feeling terribly selfish for hoping it doesn't work]
[Eleven hummed shortly, then nodded, shifting with her urging to lay down and pull her close. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, then searched her eyes for a few long moments]
..What do you think of when I say something is nice? I always mean it in a complimentary way, but I have a feeling we might be using it differently.
[ Cuddling up against him Lily pulled a blanket around them before her arms and legs wound comfortably around him. Puzzled by the question she tilted her head at him. ]
I've only heard it used for things that are good but aren't exceptionally good, but aren't bad either? Say you leave your house and it's not raining - that's nice.
[It's nice, he thinks- the way the blanket comes up around them to ensconce their shared heat. He shifts and considers her example]
I think of a bright, warm day or pleasant, comfortable things like this. [He breathes a soft sigh, shifting just a little closer] Relaxing and content.
[ Resting back against the pillows she watched him and considered their differing takes on the word, her expression softening the more he spoke. ]
And what word would you use for this? [ Leaning up she pressed her lips to his, kissing him gently and lingering for a moment before pulling away to meet his eye, smirking playfully, rather sure it qualified as nice by his definition. ]
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We've been doing this for awhile, haven't we? I mean, other than lately..
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Somehow it felt even more harrowing on the second attempt. ]
Not this. [ Merlin's tits just kill her now. ] The uh, the thing that isn't um, part of, the usual this.
[ Still! Nice? She frowned at him, aware of what she had finally (mostly) addressed but backtracking anyway. ] I always thought it was better than nice, anyway.
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I'm sorry. You've been nothing short of wonderful to me. I don't think I'm quite understanding..
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Can I try again? Forget all that and start fresh?
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[Still fighting off nerves, Eleven dropped his arms and instead hauled his leg up to hold it across his knee as he looked to her. Giving her his full concentration and focused on understanding whatever it is she was trying to say. Surely he could do that much]
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It's come to my attention– [ Absolutely, no question the best way to start. ] That I care for you a great deal, and I hope you feel the same, I wonder if I'm not just terribly mad for you and you're just fond of me but er, I guess that's what people worry about when they care for someone like I care for you.
[ She knew she was babbling, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. ]
And I suppose that if that is the case - well it's rather a good thing to know so I don't make an arse of myself, but I just thought that if we did both feel the same about each other then maybe we could. Um.
[ She was so close, she could feel herself right on the edge of just coming out with it. ]
But if it's all been just a bit of nice fun for you – [ Shut up Lily. ]
And it's very good to know if so but I don't think we ought to have a go.
[ A go? All that to make it sound like a round of darts? Rigarda could send her as a hostage for the undead, at this point, it would be an improvement on her current situation. ]
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Some color drains from his face while the tiny pinprick in his heart he'd only just uncovered earlier in the day bleeds out again.
Maybe they could.. or not? His eyes flick to hers, suspecting the meaning behind her uncertainty. His heart raced faster with it. Would that it wasn't so terribly stupid]
I do love you; I know that. [He swallowed, rattled with nerves] But the reason you're asking..
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[ She couldn't help the stunned smile that came to her face hearing that, momentarily and rather happily distracted. ]
I asked because I want to. I don't want to go home and miss you forever and wonder.
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Sorry. It's just terrible to imagine that..
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Don't. I'm not sorry.
[ She took one of his hands into both of hers. ]
You're worth pining after, I already knew that.
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Eleven traced his thumb over the ridge of her knuckles, knowing he won't be able to ask if he meets her eyes]
So you're saying you want... everything?
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I do. With you.
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He's humbled by the offer now, less excited than perhaps he should be in the wake of complex emotions. He breathed, then chanced a glance up and nodded with a faint smile]
I want to, but you don't deserve anything less than my full attention and I'm not terribly focused now. The morning- or, er, evening perhaps. You're going back to Taravast for the afternoon, I think?
[Nerves again, but at least they're more pleasant ones now, manifesting as second-guessed propositions] ..We could have dinner first. If you want.
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We don't have to at a certain time or, I mean, if it happens we know that we want it to, right? We can just be together, and you can rest and if we do, we do. I just want to stay close to you.
[ She raised an eyebrow at him, somehow managing to look both impish and bashful at the same time. ]
What was that bit about loving me now?
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I love pretty easily, I think. I love all my friends, though I think most of them wouldn't be comfortable hearing it. I thought I might love Xie Lian for a time, but.. I was only drawn to how beautiful he is.
[Eleven's face heated and he mashed his free hand into it. He probably shouldn't have said that]
What I mean is, with you, it isn't just that you're pretty or that I'm terribly fond of you. You're.. very important to me.
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[ The bit about Xie Lian she hadn't expected to hear, but, it wasn't as though it was something that happened behind her back either. ]
Before I came here I was seeing someone at school, and I liked James, we were going to see each other over the summer even. But, you're something else entirely. I don't think I've cared about someone like I do you.
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He hoped Lily wouldn't feel compelled to glare at Xie Lian, at least. Since coming to know the man- God- he's gradually fallen out of his charm. Not that he isn't still beautiful, though he was far less entranced by it now.
But his heart ached with the sweet depth of Lily's affection. Eleven lifted their hands and brushed a kiss over her curled fingers. Smiling, he met her eyes] I promise we'll make the most of it.
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Scooting closer to him after he met her eye Lily tugged her hand free so that she could wrap her arms around him. ]
And no getting arrested for a while. Please?
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I'll try not to. I think that might mean I won't be able to return to the city for awhile. Or.. well, I should be able to afford a room in Taravast for a time. The palace is likely too much of a risk. Though it might be more prudent to stay here until..
[Until either they leave or worse, if they succeed and the beacon is activated. He frowns, feeling terribly selfish for hoping it doesn't work]
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I'd be lying if I said that I expected anything good to come from Taravast still, but it may yet.
[ Looking over her shoulder she tugged him lightly. ]
Come lay down with me?
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..What do you think of when I say something is nice? I always mean it in a complimentary way, but I have a feeling we might be using it differently.
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I've only heard it used for things that are good but aren't exceptionally good, but aren't bad either? Say you leave your house and it's not raining - that's nice.
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I think of a bright, warm day or pleasant, comfortable things like this. [He breathes a soft sigh, shifting just a little closer] Relaxing and content.
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And what word would you use for this? [ Leaning up she pressed her lips to his, kissing him gently and lingering for a moment before pulling away to meet his eye, smirking playfully, rather sure it qualified as nice by his definition. ]
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Very nice. But what would you call this then?
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