[Eastbound] IC Journal: Unsent Chronicles

[bearshermark]

Letters and personal notes steadily taking up an increasing span of pages in Eleven's journal.

Comments

[unmarked]

[bearshermark]

I don't think I ever thanked you for everything you did for me.

I was so guilt-stricken back then. I guess that hasn't changed too much, but I needed someone to confess my failings to and you let me do that. I can't tell you how relieved I was that you simply listened and didn't judge me for any of it. Better, didn't expect anything from me. Asked questions I had answers to. Told me about yourself a little. I treasured that.

I couldn't talk to anyone in Erdrea in such a way with my title hanging over me. I was supposed to offer hope to people and give them something to believe in. How could I do that, if they knew I didn't hold any faith in myself? In some moments, I even hated that I'd survived. Dying would have been so much easier. But people were depending on me. Even now, I'm not afraid of death so much as corruption.

..Forgive my ramblings. I'm a little drunk. Though I suppose you'll never see this for it to matter overmuch.

My point is, you've done a lot for me- more than you probably ever thought. Helped me realize I wasn't as defeated as I thought and helped rally what strength I had left through your own example and cloaked encouragement. And I can't thank you enough for that. I like to think I was beneficial to you in some way, but I know you helped me more than I aided you. I guess that sort of tally doesn't really exist between friends, but I desperately wanted to be able to help you and I continue to hate that I couldn't.

For some reason, since we walked together from the start, I thought that meant we'd see this through in the same way. A foolish thought. As a force of darkness, I should be glad you've gone. But you challenged me to think of life and death, light and dark as a balance and I'm grateful for that as well. Night and day are both important. But neither am I the sun.

Still there was something about you I started to feel was important. A reflection of sorts.

I think we might have been the moon.

..And I'm being stupid again, I know. A worrying trend. I'm going to bed.